MY whole wide world

This past weekend we decided to go on a last minute trip for the weekend. Ricky found the Texas State Aquarium in Corpus Christi so we decided we would do that, visit Mustang Island, and possibly head to South Padre Island. I got everything gathered up Friday night, got about an hour sleep, and we got up at 5am to leave by 6. At 6:45 we were finally leaving. (It takes forever no matter what prep I do before hand to leave the house now). We arrived at the aquarium super excited but was very quickly disappointed. We did the entire thing in about an hour and I think we were there a total of 2 hours. We went to visit the Mustang Island and I guess Ricky and I were the only people in the state of Texas that was unaware of the horrible seaweed problem the beaches have this year. Everyone mentioned it after we were home. It was disgusting! It smelled like dead animals and was so thick we couldn't even set up our shade tent we got. The kids and I played while Ricky held Truette for maybe 30 minutes. By the time we got to the hotel we were all beyond exhausted but the girls and I got into the pool while Brody, Ricky, and Truette watched. We were asleep by 7pm that night. The next morning we decided to come back home.
Brody didn't have the best time because the aquarium was also very crowded so he was having major sensory issues which messed him up for the rest of the day. Even later in the day he was still falling and unable to focus on anything. Just more of the brain issues and unknown.
We were planning to rent a condo on Lake Conroe for the 4th but they sold out before we made up our mind we really wanted to. We are planning an extremely low key birthday party for the kids on their actual birthday. I was going to have a big event but honestly life is just exhausting right now and I go way overboard with their parties so we are having a few family members over for cake before Ricky has to leave for work.
I have the most precious pictures of them...

This little boy adores that baby. He is so gentle with her and so incredibly loving. Melts my heart! 

 She is so proud to help and if we ask her to hand us something or get something for the baby, she runs off so excited to get whatever it is we need. 

 Little mommy always needing to take care of baby sister. This is my very favorite picture of Madi. When I took this and later looked back, it really hit me that she has turned into a beautiful little girl with no resemblance of a baby or toddler anymore.

 *I was going to send out birth announcements but I don't have our newborn pictures back yet so I decided to post some pics here. I really hope these pictures stay here and I don't regret this decision. 

Those 4 are the reason for every single thing Ricky and I work for. Our family is complete and I never thought I could love so much in my entire life. I am one very blessed momma.

KP

Just when life tries to overwhelm you, God's grace is there to pick you up.

Sometimes life has a way of putting you in your place rather you like it or not. Case in point, school. I went back to school way too early and I learned a lot in that mistake. Truette was just 3 weeks old and it was torture leaving her everyday. Of course I didn't realize it at the time but I wasn't ready mentally or physically. I dropped my classes and will probably not go back this summer but start SHSU in the fall. This is probably the biggest fault I have, I have to get everything done right then and there and if I'm not doing something I feel worthless. I set the loftiest goals and not meeting those goals is never an option. I am extremely thankful I was able to recognize what an unhealthy situation I put myself in and made a change before I went way down hill. That math class was kicking my butt and I seriously wanted to jump off a bridge because I didn't understand it. Then I would beat myself up about it nonstop literally and felt like the biggest loser. I am my own worse enemy. Those that judge me just know I am worse on myself than any of your gossip could ever be. The difference between your hate and me hating on myself is at some point I realize I am worth more- something you all have never been able to do. Anyway, moving on from that, I'm still mad at myself but know I made a good choice. Ricky said he'd get me a tutor and also help me so I can do good in my math classes I need to take. I don't want to just pass the classes, I want to understand the material.
I also got really sick with my right kidney again and had to go on antibiotics so I was forced to stop breastfeeding which was already not going well because Truette was tongue tied and had to get the procedure done to clip her tongue. So the BF fail was another big failure and I was really unfair to myself about that one.
I'm a lot better now. I'm back to talking with my therapist every 2 weeks instead of every couple months. It helps having someone help you sort out your crazy. I highly recommend it!
I think the biggest thing for me is fear that I will mess my kids up. When you've had a crazy life I think you can either become that crazy or become so fearful of not wanting that for your kids that you do whatever you can to prevent it. I'm trying to find a good balance.
Truette is almost 7 weeks old. I think we are still in survival mode but not that it's a bad thing. It's just a lot of work around here. Just cooking 3 meals a day, 2 loads of dishes, endless laundry, washing bottles, Turette eating every 3 hours, etc. makes for an exhausting day. It's too much work to go out to eat with 6 people. Just loading everyone in the car is exhausting so it's easier to stay home; cheaper, and healthier too.
There are great moments every single day. I love watching Truette smile and laugh while she is dreaming. I love when all six of us are around the table for lunch and dinner and my big kids say the prayer and I'm all smiles hearing their sweet voices talk to Jesus. These moments outweigh the endless things that I can't seem to get done.