If you would have told me just 5 years ago I would have 4 kids and be a full time stay at home mom, I would have told you that you were crazy! However, today almost 4 years later, I couldn't picture life any other way for the this season in my life. And this little blog that is public, I've always had a small circle so to have our lives out for any and everyone to chronicle was a big step but done with the best intentions. That brings me to address me being on the fence about continuing. Look, life is so busy but you can make time for anything you really want. That means I could very easily sketch out time to continue to update here even when I start school back full time but the real question is should I? For the last 4 years I've grown along side my babies. I was 23 almost 2 4 years old when I had the triplets and initially started blogging to keep family informed of their health statuses. I will be 28 in September. A LOT has gone down and a LOT has changed. I love that I have the history written down- it's so much faster and easier to type a quick update on what's going on vs writing it down somewhere. We've never fit the pages of a baby book and I never want to forget where we've been and where we are going. I've not really posted much in the past months and have limited the pictures posted. I was going to just stop all together but Ricky said I shouldn't and to just not post pictures. It makes me so mad though because I have out of town family that has always been amazingly thoughtful and genuinely concerned about how we are all doing from the beginning. They've watched my kids, whom they've never met grow up here. It saddens me to be forced to change things.
I knew very quickly I would never be the same person I was prior to July 1, 2010. Not that I was a doormat by any means prior, I was raised with LOTS of confidence as a child and LOTS of opinions that I've never been afraid to speak but I've became a very guarded, protective, grown woman these past four years. And no matter who it is, I will stand firm and protect these 5 people, my FAMILY, every single day of my life. Ricky, Brody, Gracie, Madilynn, and Truette are my family and the most important people that will ever be in my life. When not a single person that was "family" was there the four of us were and that will remain the same now that Truette is here. It's not a negative thing, it's a factual thing. Ricky and I have walked through hell and back with the support of just the two of us. No one will ever know the walk we've walked but there have been those that should have or could have been a hand up instead of a can of gasoline to fuel the fire. That wasn't in our journey though and looking back I am glad things have worked out the way they have. It's made us both see what we are made of and how strong we are. Ricky being just 33 and me 27, I am so proud of us. We make one heck of a team.
Before I go, I hope these next few things will make you really think. If you raise a broken child, he or she will become a broken adult. A child no matter the age, should never feel unloved, unaccepted, unwanted, and not good enough a day in their life from their parents- ever. Our job as parents is to give them the confidence and tools for greatness.
This is Ricky's very favorite song:
"Redeemed" by Big Daddy Weave
Seems like all I could see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me "son
Stop fighting a fight it's already been won"
I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be
I am redeemed, I'm redeemed
All my life I have been called unworthy
Named by the voice of my shame and regret
But when I hear You whisper, "Child lift up your head"
I remember, oh God, You're not done with me yet
I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be
Because I don't have to be the old man inside of me
'Cause his day is long dead and gone
Because I've got a new name, a new life, I'm not the same
And a hope that will carry me home
I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, 'cause I'm not who I used to be
I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, yeah, I'm not who I used to be
Oh, God, I'm not who I used to be
Jesus, I'm not who I used to be
'Cause I am redeemed
Thank God, redeemed
KP
