"If you've told a child a thousand times and he still does not understand, then it is not the child who is the slow learner." - Walter Barbee

Yesterday after years of threatening to do it, I canceled our cable! Why? I loathe TV. I've always had this one TV show per day policy for the kids but as the past couple month have gone by that one TV show went to all day long Disney Jr. While they didn't sit and actually watch TV all day rather have it as background noise (as if we needed any extra), Madi started demanding TV in our bed for her to go to sleep. Somewhere along the lines we caved and allowed it. Then, she would get up really early and go into the living room, turn the TV on, and flip through the channels until she found what she wanted to watch. The TV got out of hand very quickly around here. I don't want my kids inside watching TV. I want them out exploring, learning, and being kids. This means I can't be a lazy mom and I shouldn't be. The years of threatening really was more with Ricky :) I think he may kill me. He starts school next week and he won't have time to blink let alone waste any precious time in front of a time sucker. I do have my shows I liked to watch in the evenings but I'll survive... at least until Duck Dynasty comes back. I might cry then. Oh and the best part, drum roll please...... this saves $1200.00 a year!!!!! That will pay for all of Ricky's books for school for the year! 

Yesterday was the last day for Brody's vision teacher coming to the house. The way the program works is once he turns three the teacher can't come to the house anymore but has to see him in a school setting. We also got word that she will probably not be his vision teacher anymore because the way the district is splitting the two teacher amongst the schools. We are so sad about this. That little boy loves her so much. Out of everyone including Mrs. Lupe that walks through our door, his excitement to see her, give her a hug and a kiss is just different with her. She is a phenomenal woman and has blessed our lives beyond words. From day one she has included and loved my girls as much as my boy and that means a lot. She has got him into programs no one else ever mentioned to us and has gave great advice. We are blessed to have found a life long friend in her. 

Our vacation back to San Antonio is coming up really quickly. I'm looking forward to learning a lot about visual impairment and relaxing pool side. I cannot wait to be at that resort! After the past couple months we need a vacation so bad. It's not the ocean but it'll do for now. 

We had a really fun long weekend. Ricky had to work on Saturday but Mrs. Lupe and I had a grill and chill minus the grilling in our driveway. Ricky got home around 12:30 and we called it a night at 2:30am. Good times! Sunday my best friend's daughter had her graduation party. I can't believe she has already finished high school. I met Michelle when Madison was in junior high. Anyway, it was a really nice party and the kids did great. Michelle's sister was in town with her twin boys and they were so sweet to my Littles giving them toys to play with. Monday we hung around the house. 

Preemie Moms

Ricky posted this to my Facebook yesterday. I just LOVE it.



How Preemie Moms Are Chosen
(Erma Bombeck)

Did you ever wonder how the mothers of premature babies are chosen?
Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth, selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger.

“Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint, Matthew. Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia. Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint…give her Gerard. He’s used to profanity.”

Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles. “Give her a preemie.”

The angel is curious. “Why this one, God? She’s so happy.”

“Exactly,” smiles God. “Could I give a premature baby a mother who knows no laughter? That would be cruel.”

“But does she have the patience?” asks the angel.

“I don’t want her to have too much patience, or she’ll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she’ll handle it. I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I’m going to give her has a world of its own. She has to make it live in her world, and that’s not going to be easy.”

“But Lord, I don’t think she even believes in you.”

God smiles. “No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect She has just the right amount of selfishness.”

The angel gasps, “Selfishness?! Is that a virtue?”

God nods. “If she can’t separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn’t know it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says momma for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see– ignorance, cruelty, prejudice– and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side.”

“And what about her Patron Saint?” asks the angel, his pen poised in the air.

God smiles. “A mirror will suffice.”


And so HE gave me three. These words are so true. "She will never take for granted a spoken word, never consider a step ordinary. She will witness miracles and know it. 
KP

Good habits are as addictive as bad habits, and a lot more rewarding

Realizing you have an addiction and taking control = great satisfaction!

I have a VERY addictive personality. That is why I rarely drink alcohol drinks and do NOT take any type of medication. With that being said, I was totally addicted to Coca Cola. It was the only thing I drank every single day for YEARS! When the kids were in the NICU I wouldn't eat and only consume soda... for days at a time. If it was a really tough day with the kids I'd have to run through McDonalds for a big iced Coke. 

So what made me change? Last month when I passed out and was in the hospital all day. It scared me so bad when they were doing the MRI, CT scans, XRays, blood work, etc. trying to find out what was wrong with me. Although it had nothing to do with soda, I had a big reality check. The past several months I've done a ton of research about the foods we consume and how toxic and bad they are for our bodies. It shouldn't be of any surprise that diabetes and cancer are the highest they've ever been. The "foods" we consume today are nothing like what our families consumed even 50 years ago. Today we aren't really eating actual food but food like substances. There have been many links to sugar and cancers. The long day I was in the hospital all I could think about was the poison I'd been drinking for all these years. I knew I had to just stop drinking the stuff so I did. It sucked! I didn't get a single headache which was very surprising but I just wanted my fix of an ice cold Coca Cola. As stupid as that might sound I thought I really NEEDED a soda. About two weeks ago I ran across some information that proved the same ingredients that go into making rat poison are the same ingredients in Coke. It really is poison! 

I still announce to my little family everyday that it's the ____ day of me not having soda. Of course Ricky is super proud of me but saying I've already come 30 days makes it not worth giving in. Yes, even after 30 days I still sometimes miss the fix of having a soda. 

I didn't drink a single sip of caffeine while I was pregnant with the triplets because I didn't want anything bad going into their little bodies. What doesn't make sense is that if I knew it was harmful for my babies why I've not thought about what it was doing to my own body. 

I am still working on drinking enough water every day. It's a work in progress but kicking this big addiction has put me well on my way of being healthy for me and my little family. 

What a difference a school year makes!

First picture September 2012
Second picture January 2013
Third picture May 2013 

This song is just AMAZING! 

Summer is here!

Today was the kids' last day of school. This morning as I was walking them into the school it hit me like a ton of bricks. The kids that entered that school this morning were not the same kids that entered that school last September. September 6, 2012 I parked the car, unhooked 3 car seats, got them out of the car, got Gracie's walker out of the car, and gathered in my hands and arms: 3 backpacks, 3 cups, and 3 nap mats. All the while pushing Gracie's walker forward, nudging Brody forward, and telling Madi to wait for us. Today in that moment, it took my breath away because the only thing in my hands were my car keys. Gracie Ann was walking ahead of me perfectly wearing her backpack and holding her nap mat. The same with Brody and Madi. They have taken such pride in wearing their backpacks and holding their mats. They won't let you even help them most of the time. In just a short school year my kids- not babies anymore, have become strong enough to do these things. 

This afternoon was very hard picking the kids up. They won't be returning next year. That school has been amazing to my kids and our family. They've cheered them on every step of the way and believed in them when other schools only saw disabilities. The  teachers gave me 3 books, one for each kid full of pictures throughout the year. I can't believe how much they've grown. They went from babies to big kids! 

These pictures are from their school play on Monday. They might be the smallest kids in their class but they have the biggest personalities! 

Sisters are the PERFECT best friend!

Meet my girls. These pictures were taken from their godmother a week ago when Ricky and I took Brody for his MRI. Michelle captured their personalities in these beautiful pictures. I will cherish these pictures forever. 

The kids have the most contagious belly laughs and I can hear them in this picture. 

Those blue eyes and Gracie's God given smile

So girly. I don't think they could be more focused on putting on their makeup 

I die! Seriously I think my heart just explodes looking at this picture!! 

Funny you're the broken one but I'm the only one that needed saving. Cause when you never see the light it's hard to know which one of us is caving.

All along it was a fever

A cold sweat hot headed believer

I threw my hands in the air and said show me something

He said, if you dare come a little closer

It's not much of a life you're living

It's not just something you take, it's given

Round and around and around we go

Oh now tell me now tell me now you know

Not really sure how to feel about it

More bad news today at the GI doctor but I CHOOSE Faith. I CHOOSE to believe our journey isn't for nothing. I CHOOSE to not forget where we've been. I KNOW God has the most amazing plans for these three little miracles. There isn't a single reason the three of them should be alive today. Kids that were born older, bigger, and healthier were passing away while our little babies, the smallest in the hospital, were fighting every second and came out of that war happy, loving, smart, amazing people. The fact that they are where they are today makes me so proud. Makes us proud. Our family was given this journey because WE ARE STRONG ENOUGH for it! 

Mother's Day is a celebration of being a mom but really I should be celebrating these amazing kids. They have taught me more in three years than I ever learned in my life. Compassion is probably one of the biggest things they've taught me. I actually have feelings now. I know a love that is unexplainable. I've been lucky to see miracles first hand and see God's grace. They've shown me I have strength when I  didn't think possible. They've believed in me and loved me unconditionally. They've made my life happier and have given me a purpose. In difficult times they are the reason I keep going and keeping fighting. They make me want to be successful. They make me want to be better than I was yesterday and hope to be more tomorrow. I am so thankful God blessed me and allowed me to be the mother to Brody, Gracie, & Madilynn. 

Happy Mother's Day!

XOXO

KP

Your most effective ministry will come out of your deepest hurts.

"Persevering through struggle of any kind is an opportunity to give hope and perspective to those who think it's impossible to survive; even if we are the ones who think it's impossible. And most times after the worst storms pass we realize we could have never become who we are today without the struggles of our yesterdays."  - unknown

I don't really know what to say or how to say it. Sometimes life sucks. Sometimes you wish you knew why or what this or that could really be of benefit. Sometimes your sad, happy, mad and I mean fire mad, and sometimes your numb. You are always thankful, grateful, and your heart always seems like it will explode with all the love you have for such small Littles. 

I hate the knot in your throat as you're trying to ask questions, trying to understand, trying to have a game plan, trying so desperately to see a light in darkness, wishing on every ounce of who you are to have your dreams of your children having "normal" lives come true. Which brings me to "normal". Normal is no longer will your child have sleepovers, will your child play this sport or have that hobby, will they be a good student... no FUCK THAT.... the new "NORMAL" will be will your child be bullied at school, will your child be able to graduate, go to college, HAVE A JOB, LIVE ON THEIR OWN, GET MARRIED. And I can't help but be so mad right now. I HATE this new normal. I HATE IT! I hate it so much that inside I just want to explode but I can't. We can't.

Yes, I have FAITH. Yes, I just said FUCK THAT and as confusing as it might be to people who read it just imagine the fight within. These kids did not deserve to be born early. They did not deserve to go through horrific procedures and surgeries. They are innocent.

Yesterday was a beautiful day spent at the park and it was a very dark day within an instant with a single phone call from the hospital.

KP

"If God sends us on strong paths we are provided strong shoes." -unknown

We've had a lot of fun the past couple days. Friday the kids and I went to a spring show for my friend's daughter's drill team. She is graduating so this was her last dancing performance. The kids loved it. They sat for 3 hours amazed at what was going on. At one point Madi got up and danced too. So cute. Saturday was the very last night of the show so I decided to go to be there for my friend. She has been the greatest friend to me for the past 5 years and I was right along with her thinking that this couldn't be happening and Madison couldn't be graduating. Anyway, it was another great show and I'm glad I was there. Michelle and I decided to go out after and once we dropped her youngest daughter back at home we decided to stay close to home. Wild and crazy I tell you. Anyway, it was a great night. I'm so thankful for our friendship. She is a wonderful mother and person.
Brody had his MRI this morning. We were back at Michelle's house to drop off the girls. She is their godmother. This was the first time she has watched the girls and they had a blast. She did a little photo shoot and just spoiled these girls so much. Brody did awesome with the test. He had zero problems waking up and did just fine breathing. It was a success!
We've got two weeks left of school. I'm sure it'll fly by and I'm okay with that. We are so exhausted. We actually slept most of today when we got home from the hospital.

KP

You are a FIGHTER... Sometimes you have an actual person to battle against- a specialist, a teacher, and administrator, an insensitive family member, a playground bully. your own stubborn child. Sometimes the opponent is less concrete- a disease, a disability, a milestone that keeps moving away or a skill your child just can't seem to master. And sometimes you end up fighting against yourself- subduing your fears, conquering your doubts, attacking your insecurities. Regardless of the foe, you're in it to win it. Surrender is not an option. You may negotiate and agree to a treaty or observe a ceasefire, or you may scorch the earth and take no prisoners, but you'll fight the good fight as long as there is a fight left in you- and then you'll fight some more.

Special Needs Moms- A look inside
By April Vernon

You may think us "special moms" have it pretty rough.
We have no choice. We just manage life when things get really tough.
We've made it through the days we thought we'd never make it through.
We've even impressed our own selves with all that we can do.

We've gained patience beyond measure, love we never dreamed of giving.
We worry about the future but know this "special" life's worth living.
We have bad days and hurt sometimes, but we hold our heads up high.
We feel joy and pride and thankfulness more often than we cry.

For our kids, we aren't just supermoms. No, we do so much more.
We are cheerleaders, nurses and therapist who don't walk out the door.
We handle rude remarks and unkind stares with dignity and grace.
Even though the pain they bring cannot be erased.

Therapies and treatment routes are a lot for us to digest.
We don't know what the future holds but give our kids our best.
None of us can be replaced, so we don't get many breaks.
It wears us out, but to help our kids, we'll do whatever it takes.

We are selfless, not by choice, you see. Our kids just have more needs.
We're not out to change the world, but plant some seeds.
We want our kids accepted. That really is our aim.
When we look at them we just see kids. We hope you'll do the same.

There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty. -Steve Maraboli

Our new washing machine arrived yesterday. I did laundry for 10 hours straight and got it all done! I was not exaggerating when I said we have a lot of laundry! Madi is totally into clothes right now. I'm so happy she can dress herself but I'm also despising that accomplishment. She changes her clothes all day long and I'm not joking! It's horrible!! I've tried talking with her, reasoning with her, Ricky's talked with her, reasoned with her and none of that has worked. We've put her in time out, spanked her butt, EVERYTHING AND NOTHING IS WORKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I HATE for her to be upset and I HATE punishing her for this but it's out of control. I'm sure when she stops and I've had 10 years to recover from all these clothes, we'll laugh but we aren't laughing right now! UGH! And she will also get up in the middle of the night to change her clothes AND Gracie's! I think she tries to see how many articles of clothing she can wear at once because she will also put on leg warmers and socks. The shoe situation isn't much better but at least I don't have to wash shoes. 

Brody went for his school testing yesterday. He has to go back in a couple weeks for more testing but it looks like he will be accepted into the program. Madi goes for testing today and Gracie Friday. We won't know any answers for sure until June which is absolutely crazy. Nothing like the last minute. I guess they don't care that we have a TEAM of people with schedules we are all trying to figure out for the fall. But hey, it's the school districts world, we just live in it. 

I've got the venue reserved for the birthday party. It'll be a poolside party at the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse aka our neighborhood pool :) So excited to get the decorations and have the cake designed. Those are fun things to me. 

Madi rode her tricycle by herself for the first time yesterday. This is a huge accomplishment therapy wise. I couldn't believe my eyes. She looked like such a big girl. We are so proud of her. 

Brody doesn't understand the concept. We think it has a lot to do with his brain damage. 

Gracie is starting to understand but doesn't understand the concept most of the time. 

From Tuesday - Tuesday (yesterday) I've been in the hospital, our washing machine has broken, our dish washer, and our AC. When it rains it pours. 

KP