what if I fall? oh, my darling, what if you fly? -unknown

Y'all, we are so in love with this little girl! The kids adore her and Ricky and I can't get enough of her. Look at those sweet little feet. Pure perfection! She is the BEST baby. Life is pretty amazing.

Brody and Gracie have their last week of school this coming week. We had their ARD a week ago and I'm really excited about the changes for them next school year. They will be in Pre K not PPCD which is general education and "regular" peers. I love the goals the school has in place because they seem challenging. For instance, they have a math goal where they will have to match 5 blocks to the number 5, etc. Fingers crossed we can get Madi into Pre K too. It's really hard because they go by income unless the school makes an exception.

School starts back for me on Monday. Very bittersweet. I know I have to go back so I'm ready to start SHSU in the fall but I've only been away from Truette for an hour since she has been born and I didn't like it one bit! I have no clue how I'm going to adjust to being away. I seriously miss her if I'm not holding her in our own house or if we have to drive somewhere, she is buckled in the back and I'm not holding her... I know, that sounds crazy but this is my very last baby ever and she is already 3 weeks 1 day old!

Ricky is doing good. His classes start in July so he has a couple more weeks to go.

Today is my Dad's birthday. He would have been 57 years old. It's sad that he has 11 grandkids and only 3 got to meet him. I hope I mean as much to my kids and he does to me. Even after all these years he is still missed and loved so very much.

Madi has T-ball in the morning. I hope the rain stays away. We'll all be out there cheering her on and laughing our tails off!

Oh, I have been out in public by myself with all the kids 3 times now. The first was last Saturday, we had to run to Hobby Lobby to get some stuff for pictures. It went well but I really wish they made buggies bigger. Brody had his GI appointment Tuesday afternoon so I had to do that by myself since Ricky had to go to work. It was a LOT of work only because the appointment wait time is so long and you can only keep the kids occupied so long. On the way there, Truette started choking so I had to pull over and help her. That made me a nervous wreck on the way home so Ricky bought a little mirror so I can see her while driving. She of course did great during the appointment and slept the entire time- she is just that good, really! Anyway, we survived the outings and I'm getting the hang of it. Sometimes you just have to jump in and know drowning isn't an option. That's how I handle things anyway.

KP

On the Fence

Today was suppose to be Truette's birthday. I feel so incredibly lucky I've got to have this little girl almost two weeks now and her be the perfect addition to our family. I am so grateful to God for this. It's helped me heal in so many ways I didn't know I needed from the triplets' birth.
If you would have told me just 5 years ago I would have 4 kids and be a full time stay at home mom, I would have told you that you were crazy! However, today almost 4 years later, I couldn't picture life any other way for the this season in my life. And this little blog that is public, I've always had a small circle so to have our lives out for any and everyone to chronicle was a big step but done with the best intentions. That brings me to address me being on the fence about continuing. Look, life is so busy but you can make time for anything you really want. That means I could very easily sketch out time to continue to update here even when I start school back full time but the real question is should I? For the last 4 years I've grown along side my babies. I was 23 almost 2 4 years old when I had the triplets and initially started blogging to keep family informed of their health statuses. I will be 28 in September. A LOT has gone down and a LOT has changed. I love that I have the history written down- it's so much faster and easier to type a quick update on what's going on vs writing it down somewhere. We've never fit the pages of a baby book and I never want to forget where we've been and where we are going. I've not really posted much in the past months and have limited the pictures posted. I was going to just stop all together but Ricky said I shouldn't and to just not post pictures. It makes me so mad though because I have out of town family that has always been amazingly thoughtful and genuinely concerned about how we are all doing from the beginning. They've watched my kids, whom they've never met grow up here. It saddens me to be forced to change things.
I knew very quickly I would never be the same person I was prior to July 1, 2010. Not that I was a doormat by any means prior, I was raised with LOTS of confidence as a child and LOTS of opinions that I've never been afraid to speak but I've became a very guarded, protective, grown woman these past four years. And no matter who it is, I will stand firm and protect these 5 people, my FAMILY, every single day of my life. Ricky, Brody, Gracie, Madilynn, and Truette are my family and the most important people that will ever be in my life. When not a single person that was "family" was there the four of us were and that will remain the same now that Truette is here. It's not a negative thing, it's a factual thing. Ricky and I have walked through hell and back with the support of just the two of us. No one will ever know the walk we've walked but there have been those that should have or could have been a hand up instead of a can of gasoline to fuel the fire. That wasn't in our journey though and looking back I am glad things have worked out the way they have. It's made us both see what we are made of and how strong we are. Ricky being just 33 and me 27, I am so proud of us. We make one heck of a team.
Before I go, I hope these next few things will make you really think. If you raise a broken child, he or she will become a broken adult. A child no matter the age, should never feel unloved, unaccepted, unwanted, and not good enough a day in their life from their parents- ever. Our job as parents is to give them the confidence and tools for greatness.
This is Ricky's very favorite song:

"Redeemed" by Big Daddy Weave

Seems like all I could see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me "son
Stop fighting a fight it's already been won"

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be
I am redeemed, I'm redeemed

All my life I have been called unworthy
Named by the voice of my shame and regret
But when I hear You whisper, "Child lift up your head"
I remember, oh God, You're not done with me yet

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be

Because I don't have to be the old man inside of me
'Cause his day is long dead and gone
Because I've got a new name, a new life, I'm not the same
And a hope that will carry me home

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, 'cause I'm not who I used to be

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, yeah, I'm not who I used to be
Oh, God, I'm not who I used to be
Jesus, I'm not who I used to be
'Cause I am redeemed
Thank God, redeemed

KP

Getting back to our new normal

Ricky has been back to work a couple days now. I was a little freaked out (maybe still am a little) with the 4:1 ratio when he is gone. The Littles have been wonderful and so helpful and Truette is a really easy baby but my pain is just now where I don't have to take ibuprofen so I'm not 100% yet. In this house even before Truette, it's go, go, go. For things to run smoothly we have a set schedule and routine for everything. It's been hard to do that with the hard recovery. I feel like next week will be a lot better. We are dealing with a huge bump in the road right now. Brody and Gracie caught a horrible virus that is highly contagious from school late last week so the Pediatrician said we have to keep the isolated so we don't all catch what they have. That is hard but we are managing. Because they are so sick and I'm still not 100%, the kids and I stayed home while Ricky took Madi to her T-ball game today. He said she was really upset after the first inning because I wasn't there. I feel so bad about not being there but there really wasn't any choice.
Truette is really such a blessing to our family. We are so lucky to have her. She sleeps about 23+ hours per day. She only cries when she is hungry, getting a diaper change, or a bath. She slept 6 hours straight last night. It was the first night I didn't wake her to feed her. It's totally different having a closer to term baby with no health problems. It's actually taking some getting use to and I can't help but be on alert 24/7 with her. Ricky keeps assuring me that it's a total different experience this time around because she is healthy and has been from the start but it's hard because I'm use to everything being a struggle. She lost some weight after she was born which they say is completely normal but I'm so freaked out about it I've stuck to a really strict feeding schedule because I'm terrified she won't be on the growth charts (something we still struggle with very badly with the triplets). Anyway, I'm struggling with trying to find the balance. I often think, wow, this is what everyone else experiences when they have a healthy term baby; how lucky. And then I am just so thankful to have this. It's so stress free!
We have such a busy week ahead. I still can't drive until my appointment on Thursday and I get the ok from my doctor so it makes it a little more difficult. Brody and Gracie have their annual ARD on Thursday morning and Madi also has T-ball practice so it'll be an exhausting day. Ricky and I both need to register for summer classes at some point this week and I need to get caught up on the laundry list of to do's around here. I am super excited to get our pictures done this coming weekend but I need to figure out what everyone is going to wear and go buy it.
In non important news I gained a total of 14 pounds with Truette (no worries I looked like Shamu) and I've lost 20 pounds 9 days after delivery! I am super pump about that! I feel like a dairy cow every day but I'll take it!
I'll check in soon.
KP

Truette Hope Patton

Truette is here!

Wednesday night I was in horrible pain in my back. By Thursday morning I couldn't handle the pain anymore and my stomach was hurting so I called my doctor and she instructed me to go to Labor and Delivery. When we arrived, I started feeling better but she had already told the staff I would either be delivering that day or Friday. I freaked out. The plan was to have her on Saturday which was only a couple days away but still, it was what we planned. Ricky left with the kids to get their things packed and meet my brother who was keeping them all weekend. Late that afternoon I started not feeling well again. My back, stomach, and hips were hurting so bad. The nurses came in to tell me we were moving to a different room and the doctor agreed to wait until Saturday as long as I didn't go into labor but then they realized I was in labor again so they left to call my doctor. Ricky arrived back in between that time and he was so incredibly sweet taking care of me. When they came back in, I was ready to have her. There was a peace I had about it and I was in so much pain I knew my body was done. The doctor came in and said we'd have her later that night, she had to go deliver another baby that was almost ready to be born. She also told Ricky I refused pain medication and that it could be another hour or two before my c section could take place. Ricky hates when I refuse pain medication but the medications they could give me would also go to the baby and I knew being 35 weeks 6 days that my baby didn't need anything that would make her coming into this world any harder. While we waited for my turn, we watched the NFL draft and even that went our way :) Finally, the doctor came in and said let's go and just like that there was no more time to think about things, make sure we made the right choice, worry about things, nothing. I was scared out of my mind! I walked to the OR bawling like a baby. Ricky had to wait while they got me situated and administered my epidural. Yes, they were able to place the epidural which hurt like hell but worked so I could be up for the birth of our little girl. The anesthesia team didn't understand why I was so upset and when my doctor came in she told them I was scared because I'd delivered 25 week triplets before. The entire staff was incredibly sweet. Ricky came and sat by me and was just amazing the entire time. The surgery was hard. I was so distended because she was so big and still breach that it was just uncomfortable but then the most amazing thing happened, Truette Hope Patton was born at 8:43pm and came out screaming! Not only that but she looked so good the doctor held her up for us to see her! I will never forget that moment with Ricky and all of those emotions. The neonatologist was there and took her across the hall briefly to make sure everything was ok. Ricky followed. The doctor ran back in to tell me that she was doing great and they were clearing all the amniotic fluid out and also that she weighed SEVEN POUNDS FIVE OUNCES! My doctor said she was big enough to start college compared to the triplets when they were born. A very short time later, Ricky and the team that had Truette came in and placed her on my chest while the doctor was finishing my surgery. She was perfect and those chubby cheeks.. I couldn't have been more thankful.
I started hurting really bad before I ever left the OR. They said my ribs would be bruised in sore because of how she was and everything they had to do to get her out. Boy were they right! In recovery it was the three of us and it was amazing. I was in horrific pain but my baby was healthy even being born so early. They did take her a couple feet away to check her blood sugar but gave her back for me to nurse. When she was done, they took her again to check her blood sugar. It was a little low so they gave her some formula and it corrected itself and they gave her back. I was in a lot of pain and I do mean a lot so recovery took much longer. When they wheeled me into a room I was screaming and crying in so much pain. Last time when I had the triplets, I was numb at the cut for almost a year. This time around, maybe because it was the same cut, it burns. Literally like someone has set my skin on fire and is just watching it burn. The anesthesia doctor had to come adjust my medication. It was pure hell for a couple hours. I forget what it's called when you have the burn but there is an actual medical term. I'm still dealing with that pain 6 days later.
The next day I had to get up and start walking. I first had to just stand. That was a load of fun. I ended up passing out while standing 7 or 8 times Ricky said. There were a number of nurses there. It's the same stuff I've been dealing with. I get really hot, my vision goes, I can't hear, and all I can do is say I'm going, then I'm out. The nurses kept making me smell something awful I do remember that. After that episode, I was fine and it hasn't happened again. The good thing is I know when it's happening so I can call out for help. We really hope it won't happen anymore since I'm not pregnant or recovering from surgery.
Sunday the Neonatologist said that Truette looked great and she could be discharged!!!!! I cried, it was wonderful! My doctor also said I could be discharged that day whenever I wanted. The kids were still with my brother so Ricky went to get them and bring them back to meet their baby sister. I will never forget that day, those incredibly special moments we shared as a family, and the love in that room. A lot of wonderful things happened that morning that I am so thankful and proud I call those 5 people MINE.   Life at home is exhausting right now. Ricky will be going back to work tonight. I think I'm at a point where I can manage. I can't say enough how incredible he has been. I'm one lucky girl.
On top of life being totally amazing and full of blessings, Ricky got a HUGE promotion at work. He found out yesterday. I am so proud of him. He is so dedicated and such a hard worker that it makes me probably more excited than him to see that hard work pay off.
I am so proud of the family and life we are building. Things aren't always perfect but my goodness at the things that are!
"Blessed is she who believed that the Lord would fulfill His promise to her" Luke 1:45
KP

New plan

I had my appointment for Truette on Friday. I woke up extremely sick that morning which caused us to be late- We are NEVER late. Anyway, by the time I was there and waiting, I got worse off. My doctor came in, checked on the baby, and said there is no way I will make it to May 21st. She asked how often I feel so bad and didn't like that it was daily sometimes multiple times per day. With that, the new plan is to go to her office on Friday to check on the baby again and if I continue feeling the way I have, she will deliver her on Saturday, May 10th. This will make Truette exactly 37 weeks. We have a 1% chance of her having to go to the NICU which terrifies Ricky and I. Truette weighs 5 pounds 13 ounces as of Friday and the doctor is guessing by next Saturday she will be around 6 pounds 1 ounce to 6 pounds 2 ounces. Truette is still breach which is causing a lot of additional pain but since I'm having a c section, shouldn't be a problem. 

There are a lot of mixed feelings. I've never been so sick or in so much pain in my life. I sleep about 3-4 hours a night now. I'm really not driving at this point. In the past week, I've drove twice and both trips were 5 minutes from the house. I'm terrified of surgery with my blood pressure issues being so low. The doctor said they will closely monitor everything and the entire team will know what's been going on and will be able to administer drugs should I need it to keep me stable. It's a very serious situation. I hope so much that Truette will come out perfect without the need of any medical intervention. I am no where near prepared for her to not be with us the entire hospital stay and leave with us. 

On the bright side, it is a 1% chance so there is a 99% chance she will be perfectly fine. We get to meet our little girl on Saturday! It will hopefully make me back to normal with blood pressure issues and help my back a lot. It's the perfect mother's day gift a mom could ask for. I can't wait to have all four of my babies at the hospital on Sunday. The kids are so excited!

We do have a busy week ahead. Gracie will go for one of her therapy evaluations on Monday, Ricky has to drive me to SHSU one day this week, Madi has T ball, I have my appointment on Friday and Brody and Gracie both have their ARDs for next school year on Friday. Ricky also has a very important meeting at work this week. These things have to be done before baby arrives since I won't be able to drive or do much for two weeks after I have Truette. 

Madi's T ball game was great. Ricky was helping in outfield and I helped in the dugout. She loves batting but does not like playing when the other team is batting. I don't blame her, it seems pretty boring. 

If I don't update before next Saturday, please keep us in your prayers. Specifically that Truette will not have to go to the NICU at all and that I make it safely through surgery. 

KP