I don't want you to save me. I want you to stand by my side as I save myself.

I swear we aren't a crazy train. We are actually a very normal family with three bouncing toddlers. I promise!!

Last night I noticed Gracie acting a little weird with her left arm. THE left arm. THE left arm that has been broken twice. I filed that in the back of my brain last night to follow up on it this morning. Of course this morning it was our normal routine of therapies. I immediately showed our OT and PT what was going on and told them to not use that during therapy. When the Pedi opened I called to make an appointment and to my delight, Dr. Leach was able to see her at 11:50. I had so much going on this morning with trying to get Gracie's appointment set up for Shriners, all three of them into a special program at TCH, dealing with a medical bill form St. Lukes, and then I get the call that they would be delivering Gracie's new bed in 15 minutes. It was already 11. Ricky just woke up, therapy was leaving, and Brody's vision teacher was arriving. Anyway, Ricky said he was going to take Gracie to the doctor so off they went as I decided where the bed would go.
Dr. Leach examined her arm. Remember we were just there last week and he did a full body examine including range of motion of both arms. He thought something was up and we should do an xray. Luckily they have an xray machine in office. Turns out her elbow is broken!!! To make matters even more weird, it was broken about two weeks ago. She just started acting like it was hurting her last night. Dr. Leach was puzzled as are both Ricky and I. How did we not know? There are unknown skeletal issues with Gracie. She also has major upper body issues. Her elbow formation is a little different but the previous xrays we've gotten show that they are intact. So we are just praying that Shriners will be able to see her ASAP. Our Orthopedic remember he is our FOURTH was wanting to send her to a arm Orthopedic once we were totally done with her leg stuff but we aren't waiting. She needs to be seen ASAP. Dr. Leach didn't put it in a cast because she has good range of motion with it but he has said zero therapies on that arm. I fell like we will know one day what is going on. I just hope its sooner rather than later and that she won't have anymore broken bones. Pretty much makes me sick that this is the third time.

KP

tutus, driving, fits, and fixes

Madi: Mommy, Tutu Mommy
Me: Okay Madi, you can wear your tutu to school today.
Madi: Tutu Gracie too Mommy
Me: Yes Madi, Gracie can wear her tutu too

If you've been following us for a while you know that there is quite a process for Ricky to leave to work. All of them have to give Ricky kisses and tell him they love him, Madi has to walk him to his truck, give kisses, hugs, and tells him to "be careful Daddy" "Daddy, Stay? Stay?" "Love you Daddy" but now she has to drive his truck to the culda-sac while honking the horn. Then she tells him bye all over again and says "I drove truck VROOM VROOM" every. single. day. now!

We picked the kids up from school today and they were very happy to see us but then Gracie decided to have a meltdown and throw herself on the floor screaming. What did I do? I stood her butt up, told her we don't act that way, and spanked her butt. Yep, this Momma doesn't roll that way! We are not going to have one of "those" kids. She decided to throw another fit when we got home so she is laying in her bed now for a time out... Today isn't her day.

We are so proud of Brody, he got one of the girls' toys and fixed it. Basically he had to stand the Barbie's foot in a tiny hole to stand her up and he did it right away. That is huge for him with the vision he has. So awesome!

I think we are breaking up with our school this next school year no matter if Brody and Gracie get into PPCD or not. We love where they are now but they are always out of school. Since the program follows the school districts calender for holidays, school is always out on Mondays, well that means the kids are always home. It's so crazy. During December/ January they were out for 5 weeks. That is a lot of time off especially when you still pay full tuition those months. The other thing is the kids will be three by then and will need more than two days. I have found a program that is three days per week and is affordable. I'm going to tour the school on Thursday. It's also a Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays which will solve the so many days off problem. It is so crazy how fast programs fill up around here and how cut throat they are. I don't want any part of that and my kids won't go to a place like that either.

The windows should be finished this week. I'm so excited about that. Get the house back to normal and not have to worry about having someone in the house working sounds wonderful to me!

I'll update again soon.

KP

Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want, but the realization of how much you already have.

The weeks around here go: Monday, Tuesday, Saturday. Yep, before I know it another week has passed. I'm shocked that it's near the end of February. I'm even more shocked we'll be going on a family vacation in a month. I'm now thinking, are we capable of Sea World? Well, ready or not it's approaching so we better figure it out!! I'm excited for the get away but I'm craving the ocean. We've talked about where we'll go this year and of course Ricky said Florida. He just knows the ocean cleanses my soul. FYI, Galveston doesn't come close. It's so gross and that is unfortunate because I'd probably live in Galveston if it were pretty. Speaking of beaches, ocean, etc. Have you ever heard of a sneaker wave? Look it up people... it's so scary!!!

It's Saturday morning here at our house. Ricky is still asleep and has to work both days this weekend. The kids are running back and forth from Brody's room to me as I type this to give me kisses. "Kiss Momma!" They each ate cereal for breakfast (mother of the year right here) and did a very good job. Now they are running in here to say "Love you Mommy"... pretty much have the best life ever!! We don't really have plans today. 

Ricky and I have been talking the past couple weeks about getting Gracie a new bed. We bought the best crib mattresses they offered but she has some major back/ skeletal issues and her crib bed isn't cutting it. For the past couple weeks we tossed around the idea of a big girl bed and finally decided yesterday was the day. Off Madi and I went (because the others are so obedient and nap still) to the mattress store. I bought a twin Tempurpedic mattress. Ricky and I have had our Tempurpedic for about 4 years now and it's literally the best bed ever. Plus, it has a 25 year warranty so if anything happens they'll replace it for free. Anyway, almost $900 later Gracie's bed will arrive on Thursday. I still have to find a headboard but I'm waiting because I have something in my head I want and Ricky will probably move me to the dog house if he buys another bed and I want to get rid of it in a year :) Anyway, the girls will both share the twin bed for a while. I wasn't sure about doing that but they literally sleep together every single night. We lay them in their own beds and every night they either end up in Gracie's or Madi's depending on the day. I'm excited about the extra space one bed will have instead of two very big cribs. We didn't even think when we bought the cribs about space and literally bought identical cribs that are huge!! Anyway, we hope a good mattress will slow down the back problems Gracie has. Brody will eventually get a new bed too but probably in another year or so. 

For a recap of the week, the kids did HORRIBLE at the dentist appointment. Ricky and I couldn't believe it but they literally would have nothing of it. They've done wonderful at the past appointments. The dentist wasn't able to examine them at all... we apologized over and over again. They had another great week in school. They just love it there. I went to the PPCD meeting but won't know anything until summer. We'll start the process in April but not decision will be made until June. 

Another update soon...

KP 

Pray more and worry less.

Today the kids had their appointment with our favorite doctor ever. The man is simply the best of the best in pediatrics and I am so thankful we call him our pediatrician. The kids are very different kids that entered his office this time around. They are older, stronger, healthier, independent, loving toddlers. It didn't go unnoticed with Dr. Leach. In the midst of the kids opening their mouths on command, holding a conversation with him, and loving on him, he stopped and said he couldn't believe where they'd been. It is such a success story. He said he couldn't believe how I have been able to do all of this and juggle everything I did. This is the second time in two days this has hit me. I can't believe where we've been to where we are now. I don't know how I handled it. I don't know how I was able to take three tiny babies to every specialist known to man by myself week after week. But I did, the kids and I did. We made it. I feel like we are now making a victory lap. Does that mean everything is perfect? No. What it means is God has blessed my soul, my life more beyond words I can put together. Out of grief there came beauty. This journey has so much heartbreak, so many jagged edges that cut like a knife but it also has so much love. Love that puts a knot in your throat. Love that never ends. Love from God that I feel everyday. My pregnancy, their birth, and their first couple of years has not been magazine picture perfect but I thank God this is our story. Yesterday my three little kids walked hand in hand from a parking garage, through two elevators, and into the eye clinic on the 18th floor. It took my breath away to see Gracie walking. You would never know she'd ever had any issues with her leg. They were so patient with one another and side by side they did it. It's a feeling of we've made it. Dr. Leach brought that back to me today when he said the same thing, we've made it. He and I use to go through a check list of specialist that we'd need to follow up with or him send a referral to. Today we kept thinking we were forgetting something because there aren't even a handful of specialist anymore. Kids born at 25 weeks do not have this outcome. I'm sure our readers don't understand but really when you are born 15 weeks early, you don't have the kids I have today. I don't know why Ricky and I have been so blessed but we realize we are. These kids are destined for greatness. God gave them to us when we'd struggled for years to have a viable pregnancy. They fought every second of their lives from pregnancy to their birth and fought even harder then. Every single second, every single rise and collapse of their chest is etched in who I am today. Every surgery and diagnosis. Every terrifying moment. And then they came home. I've fought for the best of the best for the three of them with Ricky by my side. It will never change. I don't care who you are, my kids will always receive the best. They deserve it because they've earned it. Dr. Leach and I talked a lot about PPCD today. PPCD has been the biggest internal battle within me to date. It's so hard because I've made very big decisions. I've went against what the doctors wanted to do. For example, the doctors wanted Brody to get a button. It's where they surgically place a feeding tube directly in your stomach and you feed your child through a tube directly in their stomach. I raised hell and said there would be no way my son would ever have that. Why? Because kids who have buttons are very involved. It's nearly impossible to get them off the button and eating like a normal person. I said no because I believe in my son and I knew he could do it. Today he is the best eater I have. But PPCD... PPCD hurts. It's a war within me because it's such a big decision that will impact my kids for the rest of their schooling. I can't mess up. I can't make the wrong choice. Dr. Leach thinks it would be great for them. It feels great that he supports the program even though I'm still ready to run for the hills. I have been in control of everything from doctors, appointments, therapist, etc. and now here we go again into an unknown with no control. It's scary for me. I love them so much it hurts and I just want the best for each of my children. So that's where we are. Very grateful and very prayerful.

KP

When you look at a person, any person, remember that everyone has a story. Everyone has gone through something that has changed them.

I'm afraid we've really entered into the trying two's. I take back several months ago when I announced we were in the trying two's because that was nothing compared to the now. My stars! We need a patience tank installed in our home that works like oxygen, just pumping patience on high throughout the house. Oh, and one for the car. To their defense, the house is still not put back together. We've hit some delays with the windows and it looks like it'll be close to 10 more days. I've already hit my limit several times during this process but now I've decided the break is good. The kitchen is now complete minus just one window (we have 3) and it looks really good. Ricky and I are very pleased with it. The plan was to have the base, crown, and closet remodel before we leave for vacation next month so the painters could paint while were were gone but I think we are going to wait until later in the year or next year. We did too much at once and have learned our lesson.
We have a very busy week this week. Brody has an appointment with his retina specialist tomorrow. It's downtown and he is a work in which means the appointment is at 3:30. I'll have to take all three by myself and fight rush hour on the way home...yay :|  He really needs to see the doctor though. Since he got his new glasses he's been falling a lot. He is actually doing better without the glasses. We've kept them off of him for several days and you would never know he is legally blind. It's really very amazing and such a blessing. When he was in the NICU and got ROP they lasered all the nerves around his eye and they don't come back. For him to have went through what he did, we are very lucky of the vision he has.
Tuesday all three have a checkup with our Pediatrician. Usually kids go at age 3 but he likes to check up on us more often. I am so thankful we've made it through the flu season and all the other germs so well. They really only got that stomach virus which is way better than respiratory issues.
Wednesday all five of us have a dentist appointment. That should be fun. The kids' pediatric dentist sold his practice and mine and Ricky's dentist doesn't see pediatrics so I found a new dentist that will see all of us. The kids have done really well in the past with the dentist so I'm not worried about it.
Thursday I have a meeting. Brody's vision teacher is going with me to meet with the school about PPCD. I know, I've said no so many times but she keeps telling me to at least meet with them and Ricky and I trust her opinion so very much so I am. In a way I'd love for my kids to be able to attend the program on the speech entry only because it would save us a lot of money we are spending on preschool but I want the best fit possible for them. I want them to be somewhere they'll thrive and if we need to keep spending all the money on preschool then okay because we've budgeted for it. So many decisions to make...
A couple of sweet things happened this weekend. Saturday I was doing the girls' hair and when I finished
Brody to Gracie: You are gorgeous
Gracie: Thank you Bubby

Brody to Madi: You are gorgeous
Madi: Thank you

The other day he and I were "talking"
Brody: Hi Mommy
Me: Hi Brody! I love you!!
Brody: Thank you Mommy

I mean how precious is this little blond haired blue eyed boy!!!

What takes the cake is when they each put their little hands together and we pray and they say "AMEN"!!

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this life of mine!!!

KP

Priceless

I feel so blessed, so satisfied with life.
Our house is still a  complete mess. The back splash is being installed tomorrow and so far we've got two of our nine windows totally in. I feel like we are in a new home. Ricky asked the kids how they like their new home.
Madi got her staples out yesterday and was such a champ. She didn't even cry or flinch!
I am so happy about something in the works. About 15 years ago or more, my dad gave me a desk for my first computer for Christmas. This was before we lived in our big house but once he built that home, I had an office in my room literally (the man was crazy) and he gave my desk away to a somewhat family member. That was dad. He'd make things and then give it away, throw it away, etc. I really wish he wouldn't have because he was so very talented and the only thing I have he actually made is a doll bed my girls are now using and my baby crib. I'd take something he made any day over some made in China fake crap! So anyway, my Meme got in contact with the person that has the desk and they are giving it back to me!!!!!!!! I'm one very happy person. Next month will be 9 years he's been gone. I love the smell of saw dust that use to annoy me as a kid. When I use the sander Ricky got me I can't help but think of him, every time I look at our new granite counters I hear his funny joke about it. When I see the way the kids light up with Ricky I think about how much I loved my dad. I tell Ricky sometimes I miss my dad so much I can't breathe and it's been nine years. I pray Ricky and I are fortunate enough to grow old together so that our children as well as one another never have this deep hole in their souls because the tears may stop but the lump in your throat remains. It wasn't that he was perfect no one is but he loved me the way we love our kids and that has got me through nine years. So a desk may just be a desk to most but to me it's so much more.

KP

Average

Our house is a complete mess. We took the desk apart after Madi split her head open on it so now we have all the contents of a huge desk in the living room. We also still have our kitchen torn apart waiting to get the back splash done. Oh and it's also decided to rain today and tomorrow so we've got a house full of windows sitting in the garage. It's overwhelming. Therapy is coming as scheduled tomorrow and I have no idea how that's going to work since you can't walk in the living room... I guess I shouldn't think about it because it makes me twitch! I crave an organized home.
Ricky took Brody to get a haircut on Saturday. He looks like such a boy. I'm missing my baby boy. Actually I miss my babies looking like babies because they truly look like big kids now.
It's so weird where this blog is now. Really the past year it's been about our daily lives. It's so different from the beginning with all the medical emergencies we had. This blog is their baby book but there really isn't much to report. Our daily lives are of course wonderful for Ricky and I but is there really anyone that cares what is going on with remodeling our home or Brody getting a haircut? I doubt it. We are really turning average.
I'll be unplugged for a while. I need to get my house back in order. I have no desire to answer the phone... I just want to focus on organizing and spring cleaning!!!  

In you, I've found the love of my life and my closest, truest friend.

Ricky's birthday was yesterday and he took the day off. The kids and I got him binoculars he wanted for when he goes hunting and the kids each colored him a picture. They were so excited to say happy birthday to him because it was a new word for them to say. As soon as he woke up they were screaming happy birthday. We took him to lunch in the Woodlands and did a little shopping with some gift cards we got for Christmas. Of course we ended up spending almost all the gift cards on the kids... story of our lives. Anyway, we got home and Madi and I ran to the store to get the stuff to make his special dessert. He wanted a brownie cookie and it turned out really pretty good.We had hot dogs because that is what the kids asked for... why, why why??? And we sang happy birthday and the kids were singing along and would get the biggest belly laughs when we'd say "cha, cha, cha".
When it was time for bed, Madi of course needed extra kisses goodnight. We were being silly and playing peek a boo when she slipped and hit her head on the desk. She was in so much pain. I quickly grabbed her and moments later discovered I was covered in blood. I FREAKED OUT! Ricky laid her on the floor and sure enough there was a huge gash in the top of her head. I got dressed while Ricky applied pressure to her head to get the bleeding to slow down, and off her and I went to the minor ER. Luckily there is one just outside our neighborhood. They immediately took her back and the doctor came in, said she needed staples, and stared getting everything ready. I was sick about it. I opted to wait in the other room while they did the procedure and you know what? She didn't cry when they gave her shots in her head and she didn't cry when they put the staples in. As a matter of fact, I was in the other room crying when the nurse came in with Madi in her arms saying, "can you believe it was that fast? She didn't even cry!". Madi had a smile on her face and I'm sure it was her trying to tell me she was okay. I felt so bad because her and I were playing around and she got hurt. My poor little mini has staples in her head for the next five days. We were literally in and out of the ER in less than 15 minutes and $100.00 poorer but I happily paid the copay because I was feeling like a real piece of crap. I just can't believe she slipped and had to get staples. These kids are the toughest kids I've ever met in my life! Oh, and the desk is going! Ricky is taking it apart today.
Our windows are being installed this coming week. We've picked a back splash for the kitchen just need to go get the amount we need and have the guys come install it. Then we will let our bank account rest!
I can't believe our little vacation is next month. Seems like this year is already flying by!

KP

People who know my heart never have to question it

Well hello there!

It has been a CRAY couple days like really CRAY CRAY also known as CRAZY!

First of all my kids are AMAZING little humans. Like you didn't already know that but just in case you forgot.
A conversations between Madi and Ricky:
Madi: Daddy meher (come here)
Ricky: One second
Madi: Babe, meher, I love you
---------------------------------------------------

Madi: Mommy get up, get up mommy
Me: Okay babe (I get up)
Madi: what's up mommy? Mommy what's up?
----------------------------------------------------

Madi says "Ta Da!" when she does something now :) LOVE IT!

She also will say that she is sassy, a diva, fabulous, and gorgeous. A girl after my own heart.

Gracie is practically running these days. We are so proud of that girl!

Brody is doing a great job at looking down before stepping off a curb, etc. We are very proud of that!

So back to the CRAY around here.... every year we do some improvement to the house. Last year we rebuilt our fence, the year before that we got a new roof. Anyway, this year we decided to get all of our windows replaced. HALLELUJAH! Here is to hoping our $350 light bill in the summer never returns to our house again!!! We got a super awesome deal on the windows and labor so what went from one big project turned into a monster because we are getting granite counters in the kitchen and bathrooms!!!

"Don't take granite for granted" -Lynn Bice

Ha! My dad use to ALWAYS say that :)  So we are super excited around here!! YAY!

KP

Oh and because I'm all about follow up, we have yet to get a single contact or apology from Ricky's family... but they are so sick about everything. RRRRIIIGGGHHHHTTTT! This is why we've moved on 2 years and 7 months ago!! :) :) :) :) :)

If someone treats you like shit, just remember that there is something wrong with them, not you. Normal people don't go around destroying other human beings.