Today the kids had their appointment with our favorite doctor ever. The man is simply the best of the best in pediatrics and I am so thankful we call him our pediatrician. The kids are very different kids that entered his office this time around. They are older, stronger, healthier, independent, loving toddlers. It didn't go unnoticed with Dr. Leach. In the midst of the kids opening their mouths on command, holding a conversation with him, and loving on him, he stopped and said he couldn't believe where they'd been. It is such a success story. He said he couldn't believe how I have been able to do all of this and juggle everything I did. This is the second time in two days this has hit me. I can't believe where we've been to where we are now. I don't know how I handled it. I don't know how I was able to take three tiny babies to every specialist known to man by myself week after week. But I did, the kids and I did. We made it. I feel like we are now making a victory lap. Does that mean everything is perfect? No. What it means is God has blessed my soul, my life more beyond words I can put together. Out of grief there came beauty. This journey has so much heartbreak, so many jagged edges that cut like a knife but it also has so much love. Love that puts a knot in your throat. Love that never ends. Love from God that I feel everyday. My pregnancy, their birth, and their first couple of years has not been magazine picture perfect but I thank God this is our story. Yesterday my three little kids walked hand in hand from a parking garage, through two elevators, and into the eye clinic on the 18th floor. It took my breath away to see Gracie walking. You would never know she'd ever had any issues with her leg. They were so patient with one another and side by side they did it. It's a feeling of we've made it. Dr. Leach brought that back to me today when he said the same thing, we've made it. He and I use to go through a check list of specialist that we'd need to follow up with or him send a referral to. Today we kept thinking we were forgetting something because there aren't even a handful of specialist anymore. Kids born at 25 weeks do not have this outcome. I'm sure our readers don't understand but really when you are born 15 weeks early, you don't have the kids I have today. I don't know why Ricky and I have been so blessed but we realize we are. These kids are destined for greatness. God gave them to us when we'd struggled for years to have a viable pregnancy. They fought every second of their lives from pregnancy to their birth and fought even harder then. Every single second, every single rise and collapse of their chest is etched in who I am today. Every surgery and diagnosis. Every terrifying moment. And then they came home. I've fought for the best of the best for the three of them with Ricky by my side. It will never change. I don't care who you are, my kids will always receive the best. They deserve it because they've earned it. Dr. Leach and I talked a lot about PPCD today. PPCD has been the biggest internal battle within me to date. It's so hard because I've made very big decisions. I've went against what the doctors wanted to do. For example, the doctors wanted Brody to get a button. It's where they surgically place a feeding tube directly in your stomach and you feed your child through a tube directly in their stomach. I raised hell and said there would be no way my son would ever have that. Why? Because kids who have buttons are very involved. It's nearly impossible to get them off the button and eating like a normal person. I said no because I believe in my son and I knew he could do it. Today he is the best eater I have. But PPCD... PPCD hurts. It's a war within me because it's such a big decision that will impact my kids for the rest of their schooling. I can't mess up. I can't make the wrong choice. Dr. Leach thinks it would be great for them. It feels great that he supports the program even though I'm still ready to run for the hills. I have been in control of everything from doctors, appointments, therapist, etc. and now here we go again into an unknown with no control. It's scary for me. I love them so much it hurts and I just want the best for each of my children. So that's where we are. Very grateful and very prayerful.
KP
