Since my 25th birthday I get stressed out the week of my birthday. I freak out thinking things like: you aren't doing enough with your life, you aren't accomplishing anything, you aren't reaching your goals, etc. It makes me sick! Being a stay at home mom is really a blessing but it's the hardest job I've ever had. I'm not climbing the corporate ladder. Instead I do task that seem to not matter ever or if they do, it takes months or years to see that they do matter. Also, everyone in our lives are much older. My best friend is in her 40's and we have great friends in their 60's. It's hard to not seem like we are failing. It's hard to not compare our beginning to someone else's middle. Not that Ricky and I are just starting out, we are 10 years into this but it's so hard to not feel like we are behind. I can't seek a promotion or get a raise. There are not markers to track my success. School feels so close but still so far away. Will I ever finish? I feel like I'm spinning my wheels but going no where. Do I want to go back into the work force? Not really. It would have to be an amazing opportunity but in all honesty, my kids need me. There are therapies to attend, doctors to see, and school to get back and forth to. No one can do that job but me. But, there will come a day when I will get back to the corporate world. I have a number in my head and that is 30. So 27 comes Sunday. I have a lot to accomplish before the big 3-0. I have to be finished with school. I have to have all my certifications. And I will not have any more children after 30. Not that it's the plan but I don't want to be an old mother with young kids and I don't want a huge age gap between my kids so if we were to want anymore children, it would have to be before I'm 30. It doesn't seem like a long list of things to accomplish but everything I need to do takes a lot of time. I also have other priorities like my kids and husband. Their success is my number one priority but my goals are now just as important. It feels like I was just 19 getting married. I could never imagine 8 years later being so lucky to have this life. It's really a dream come true but I'm a big dreamer and want to accomplish so many things! Until then I will try to not get discouraged and keep on keeping on!
KP
