If you can, please keep me in your prayers. I'm down with my back again. Woke up with it hurting a little and by this afternoon couldn't move. I basically crawled into the Chiropractor. He went over my MRI again from April and got me ready to adjust my back. He moved my legs to get me in place and I could not breathe and was crying my eyes out in so much pain. He said he couldn't adjust me because he could do more damage. Basically I'm too far past the point of adjustments. He said my disc is out of place and bulging and said I needed to see a pain management doctor. He said they will do a epidural directly in between the bad disc and will give a steroid and another type of medication. He said if that doesn't help the disc move back where it's suppose to be then I will need surgery. He said for me to take the muscle spasm and muscle relaxers I got from the ER trip in April but I told him I couldn't because I don't want to be under the influence of anything with my kids around. He understood that so he asked his office to call the pain management doctor they refer patients to to try to get me in soon. Bad news is I can't be seen until Friday. I am scared out of my mind about all of this. I've had one epidural when I had my c section and it sucked. I can't imagine having another one and the thought of surgery on my spine terrifies me. I actually hope and am praying hard I don't need surgery. Also given my family history of addiction, I will refuse any type of medications that will alter me in any way. I will do the epidural medication because it isn't a narcotic but I won't take any type of pain pill. From my understanding, they put you to sleep to do the epidural because it's quite painful with the medications they inject.
All I really know is I am in a lot of pain, not being the best mom right now or wife for that matter, and can't function. I need to get back to normal now.
This morning was Madi's first gymnastics class. She did so well. She is by far the smallest by about 6 inches and doesn't quite understand everything but is giving her best and I am so proud of her. She was super proud to show off her stamp she got on her hand at the end of class and told me she wanted her daddy to watch her gymnastics.
Brody melted my heart this morning. While I was in my bathroom getting ready, they were at my bedside table. I printed off and framed the picture I posted yesterday of all of us with the graffiti "I love you so much" anyway, they were all three talking to each other and Brody proudly said "That's my momma. That is MY momma. I love my momma." Such a little sweetheart. Love that blonde hair blue eyed boy.
Gracie wished she was in gymnastics the entire time Madi was in her class. I told her next year will be her year. She needs to get a little stronger Orthopedic and Physical Therapy wise before she can safely participate in any type of sport. It's still hard though because I like to be fair and this doesn't seem fair.
Ricky is working days this week. He has a lot of training since receiving his promotion. I really like having him home in the evenings but it works so much better for him to work nights. He was home at 5 tonight and the kids are back on their bedtime at 7:30 routine so he didn't get to see them nearly as much as he does during the day.
I'll update again soon. Being down and out does not sit well with my personality.
KP
